LetMeBeClear

CC had her first classroom trauma. She has lived 8 years without this feeling. I am sorry that it found her. In class, her teacher was putting math problems on the board "for fun" they don't do math at her school. CC tried raising her hand for every problem and knew the answers to all the ones going up. The problems kept getting harder, and she kept raising her hand.

When she was finally called on, she got nervous. Her palms got sweaty. The problem was 55 - 36. She knew it needed borrowing, so she mentally removed one from the first digit, did that subtraction and wrote down a 1 on the tens place. Her face was flushed, she wasn't thinking. Everyone was staring at her, she added the second two digits together instead of subtracting, remembered she had already taken care of the tens place, and wrote down a 1. Her answer was 11. She looked back in time to realize her mistake, but before she could tell her teacher that it should be 19, (Here comes the worst part) the teacher said - "That's okay, You probably haven't gotten to that level yet."

Oh. The worst part is that the teacher thought she didn't know how to do it and felt sorry for her. Her tongue tied in knots, and she couldn't speak. We've all been the victim of our nerves. All I could do was hug her and tell her that she is human and it happens to us all. My poor baby. She kept raising her hand to try to redeem herself, but didn't get called on again.

Tonight I rebooted Three servers. It is funny, all of the times I have rebooted servers as part of my job, I still get a little sick nervous feeling. Its a fear that I rebooted the wrong one. I have only done that once - probably. Hundreds of servers and dozens of years, and I still get the same feeling. OOps, did I do the wrong box?

I am an insomniac. I didn't refill the prescription for the sleeping pills yet. If I take them every night for too long, then they don't work as well, and I am going to need them to work. Last week I slept without them at all - if you call that sleeping.

This week I switched to an herbal sleeping pill. It has me sleeping. Now I am dreaming. I think I know what is bothering me. Why I am curling up inside. Every night I dream about my son going to away. Twenty Three more days. He will take his one-way ticket and his student visa and get on a plane and not comeback until May. And that will just be for a visit. And that is not even definite.

I feel pressure to make this Christmas extra-special. But that goes against my nature. I have worked hard to make Christmas something that is not filled with fake happiness and real anxiety.

I feel pressure from people telling me how I should feel. I hate that.

I feel pressure from people who want to "remind me" of all the things that still need to get done before he goes. He needs to clean his room. He hasn't packed. He is going to be in for a shock when he has to start doing his own x.y.z. People who have never been anywhere or taken any BOLD steps are not allowed to criticize him and definitely not allowed to criticize him then say they are just trying to help.

I feel like the person in my life that I have known and loved for the longest is leaving me and I am happy for him and proud of him. BUT he is still leaving me and it still hurts. And yes of course, others love him. And he is just going to the other side of the world. And all of this makes rational sense to me.

Reason doesn't stop you from curling up into a little ball inside of yourself. Reason doesn't help you sleep at night. sleeping pills do.

I was Almost going to go with Bronte, but Shakespeare won this month. It probably had something to do with the 16 inches of snow and the 4o mile per hour winds I enjoyed at work today although the snowball fight with the family before work was much more fun. I do like the snow, but the wind blows.

As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII [Blow, blow, thou winter wind]
by William Shakespeare

Lord Amiens, a musician, sings before Duke Senior's company

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most jolly.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
That does not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remembered not.
Heigh-ho! sing . . .

You just can't trust what is in your food. I swear that in a couple of years I am going to have to grow my own food in order to be able to eat anything.

I carefully planned Thanksgiving so that I wouldn't get a migraine. I never eat poultry because most of it is full of some horrible unlabeled, inedible swill that sends me writhing in pain to a small dark space. I risk it with organic turkey on Thanksgiving. This year I even baked my own bread to make stuffing with so that I wouldn't get anything on the menu that I didn't know the origin of. Well, well guess what? About thirty minutes after I happily pushed my empty plate aside, my dining room became too bright. My family became too loud. My head was smashed in by the familiar pain of a migraine. My darling rushed for the Imitrex. We were done giving thanks.

My turkey wasn't a Tyson, but it was crappy-ass practices like this antibiotic scam where agri-businesses lie and do anything to protect their bottom line instead of the integrity of our food that leave me not able to even safely read labels.

I'm going to have to grow my own food to know what is in it.

We all get terrible customer support these days. Especially phone support. I think we have been slowly conditioned to accept it.

Since I was surprised today by excellent support, I had to say something.

I made plane reservations for my brother, his lovely wife and my cutie nephew. I was on the phone with my brother while making the reservations and holding the phone in my left hand. It is my only excuse.

When I received the confirmation, I realized that I had left the R out of Christi - so she became CHISTI. That could have been a terrible problem with the travel restrictions these days.

I reluctantly called the airline and just pressed "0" to get a person. Almost immediately a cheerful person came on the line. I explained the problem, she looked up the reservation, stifled a quick chuckle and said it was not problem but she would have to get someone else to change it. She put me on hold. Less than a minute later, she was back and confirmed that the change had been made and asked if there was anything else she could help with.

Cheers! to Excellent Customer support. It matters.
And if you are wondering, it was SOUTHWEST.

According to the Urban dictionary :


Hippie

A Hippie is a person who was raised under the ideological system that came out of the tumultuous 1960's in North America and western Europe. They are either of the flower-child/baby boomer generation or that generations' subsequent offspring. They possess a core belief set revolving around the values of peace and love as being essential in an increasingly globalized society, and they are oftentimes associated with non-violent anti-governmental groups.

I have wanted to be a Pirate when I grow up ever since I first went to Disney world when I was little. Or was it when I read Treasure Island? I am somewhere between Pirate and Hippie, but maybe I will join the Peace Corp and work toward ending hunger. Clean water is a fixable problem. I either want to help fix the world or hide from it on a boat in a secluded sea and listen to the ocean breeze and smell the salt spray. Right after I finish raising my last couple of young 'ums or maybe I can't wait that long.

My son has always said he can picture me as an old hippie lady on a beach in a long flowy dress with long wild hair walking barefoot when I am old. Sounds just about perfect to me.

Alright - your turn. What does the dreamer in you want to be when you grow up? Why? What picture of yourself in old-age do you have?

There is wind where the rose was,
Cold rain where sweet grass was,
And clouds like sheep
Stream o'er the steep
Grey skies where the lark was.

Nought warm where your hand was,
Nought gold where your hair was,
But phantom, forlorn,
Beneath the thorn,
Your ghost where your face was.

Cold wind where your voice was,
Tears, tears where my heart was,
And ever with me,
Child, ever with me,
Silence where hope was.

Walter de la Mar - November

Happy Halloween and Happy New Year and Happy Samhain

Happy Halloween.
I switched the template for the holiday.

I'll find something different afterwards. The dark background and light text hurts my eyes - ever since I had Lasik. Same thing with diving at night - can't do it.

ANyway - I Love Halloween. I always have.

That is how you drug test your kid.  You just cowboy up, give him the cup and tell him that it is time.  Put on the determined face, don't apologize, and then test it.  Its okay to cry when you get the results - whatever they maybe.

Would you drug test your kid?

You hope you never have struggle with that question.

It is a hard process.

You have to decide there is a problem. Decide it really is a problem. Decide you know what the problem is. Acknowledge that drugs are probably the problem. Question how it happened. Decide you really want to know the answer to the question.

Google "home drug test kit". Learn about the half-life of common drugs and the symptoms of each type of drug use. Figure out what drugs are most probable. Find a kit that tests for those drugs. Drive to the store. Take the drug kit to the counter, look the clerk in the eyes and pay for it.

Now you have a drug kit for your kid. What on earth are you going to do with? What are you going to do if it is positive? What are you going to do if it is negative?

You must now resolve to confront your child. You make sure you remember that drug users lie. You don't want to think your kid lies, but drug users lie. Your kid denies the accusation, of course. You show the kit and the kid acknowledges that yes, he just recently tried it and will never do it again. Remember that drug users lie. He has acknowledged the drug use. Do you still need to test? Should you wait? Now what?

Now what?

What did I do for an hour tonight?

I watched a disturbing documentary about Monsanto. Yes, we have all heard of the big, bad corporation out for profits at the expense of little people and about the "liberal", "activist" media and "bleeding hearts" that are anti-progress, and anti-profit that would still have us laboring away in a hunter-gatherer world with no technology.

Forget about that. Read for yourself the Monsanto literature. Read it carefully. Read some stuff by those organic wackos. Watch a little documentary The World According to Monsanto.

Don't forget to browse the list of GMO foods. You might be surprised.

Today I found a blog that has some bold things to say. I like it and found many things I agree with. Here is a link to her more political essays.

Funny where you find people that you can agree with.
She is libertarian. She is against high fructose corn syrup and the government subsidies that let it be in so much or our food. She is for thinking and personal responsibility and actual parenting. She even likes Douglas Adams.

I am an INTJ personality type. This is pretty funny.

Reading the description I found several common phrases that are part of my personality.

"Does it work?" This is how I evaluate everything - day-to-day routines, relationships, religion, recipes, simple tasks. Everything.

"INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know." This is me. I have always been very aware that I don't have to know everything, but it is good to know what I do and don't know and where to find information on what I don't know.

" INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. 'I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts' could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission." Again, this is me. I figure out every little detail, then I steam ahead and often ignore the details.


There are lots more examples of my personality in the INTJ analysis. And to make sure it wasn't just one of those things where everyone will see themselves in every description, I read the other descriptions looks for "me" and they didn't fit.

Kind of funny that so much of my personality can be reduced to 4 letters. We all think we are so unique.

Take a look at this baby tub. Yes, it is worth clicking. It will question what you think of baby baths.

City Law:

Woopra

Go ahead and ask. What is Woopra?

Here is a cool little desk for the laptop. Apparently everybody doesn't actually want to put it in their lap. I like it there, but in case you don't check it out.


Do you need to spice up your space for spring? Check out these photo murals.

And what about a treepee for the kids?

That is the perfect place for your kids to read this summer. And here is a list of books for them to read.


While they are outside, they could study some clouds.

Have you done your taxes yet?

Almost. Is my answer. It will happen. I did part and tagged hubby for the next part.

This Crockpot recipe takes about a half hour prep time and at least 6 hours of cook time. It makes enough to feed many.

2-3 lbs (or more) boneless country-style beef ribs
1 medium onion (diced)
6 stalks celery (sliced)
4 or more cloves garlic (crushed and diced)
1 1/2 sticks butter
1 cup flour
1 large container V-8
1 box beef or vegetable broth (optional)
3 bay leaves
Fresh Herbs, chopped - basil, rosemary, thyme, or oregano
dried basil and oregano
Salt
Pepper
Cayenne pepper
2 tablespoon vegetable oil


In a large skillet, brown the beef in the vegetable oil adding salt and pepper to each side. When it is brown, place in a large Crockpot on high. In the same skillet, melt 1/2 stick of butter and add onions and celery. Cook on medium until the onions start to turn translucent then add the chopped garlic. Cook for a few more minutes, but don't burn the garlic. Add the onions, celery and garlic to the Crockpot (for best results save the skillet until later). Pour the V-8 into the Crockpot. Add the fresh and dried herbs and the bay leaves. Fill the rest of the pot with water or broth. Add black pepper and cayenne if using. Cover and let it come to a boil. Once it boils, turn down to low and cook for 4-5 hours. Melt the reserved stick of butter in the skillet used earlier, or a in clean pan. Add the cup of flour to the butter and stir until well mixed. Add this mixture to the Crockpot and stir. Taste for salt and pepper. Let it simmer at least another half hour.

This is delicious served in bread bowls or over noodles, mashed potatoes, or rice. It is a hearty, filling meal.

1 medium orange, peeled and sliced into bites size pieces
1 medium apple, sliced into bites size pieces
1 medium pear, sliced into bites size pieces
1 medium peach, peeled and sliced into bites size pieces
1/2 cup of raspberries, sliced in half
1/2 cup of diced strawberries
1/2 cup of blueberries
1/2 cup of pitted and diced cherries
1/2 cup of blackberries, sliced in half
1/4 of favorite small melon, peeled and cut into bites size pieces

stir until all the fruit and berry juices are mixed together.
then its time to serve

here is the smoothie option from your fruit salad leftovers
put it into a smoothie maker or blender, mix until there are no chunks
pour into cups to serve

half a bag of yeast (the small packet you find at the store)
1.0 cup of flour
1/2 cup of sugar
1/3 cup of water

mix the above in side a bowl
wait 1 hour to let it rise

add and mix the following to the bowl above
1 egg
1/4 cup of vegetable oil

cook for 1 hour if you want to make a bread loaf
or
cook for 30 minutes if you want muffins

also you could add nuts, berries or chocolate chips. but be aware that it could make your batter thicker (which is chewier). if that is not what you want then water to thin it.

ENJOY!!

This is my 7 year old's (CC) recipe,
1.5 cup of Bisquick pancake mix
1.0 cup of oatmeal (not instant)
1.0 cup of Milk, but you might need another 1/2cup
1 egg
2 tablespoons of sugar

Mix all together, cook, and enjoy
if using a griddle, best temperature is around 350 degrees.

Since we homeschool our kids and plan to continue to homeschool the littlest two through highschool, I have been researching math programs for high school. If that seems strange to you, you should know that my oldest is graduating this year from high school and hates math. I blame myself. I can do math and have had a couple of years of calculus way back in the 1980's. However, I learned that being able to factor has nothing in the world to do with being able to teach someone how to factor.

I have been looking at math programs for high school with the hopes of finding one that will teach my kids how to do math - not just arithmetic, but actual math. I realized that I cannot evaluate these programs until I am more comfortable with math myself.

I came across a plan for math for myself, and a definition of educational philosophy that make me feel like a simpleton. I am going to work on this, right after I finish up with my British Lit reading for my son and try to remember that I once knew Latin. And there is the little matter of Medieval History and working for a living.

I don't know what anyone thinks about art or activism, but I like how the people at BLF are making a statement about both with their latest peice.

I like that they are leaving scotch for the people that have to remove thier "art."

A memory thought:

I am the wife. Sometimes I think that my hubby knows more about me because of my blog than any conversations we have had recently. Isn't technology weird? We use all of these time-saving technologies and end up with less time. It seems like the technology becomes more important than the life we are supposed to be saving time for. I think that a lot of things we do in life just obscure what is actually important.

I was one of those people. I worked long hard hours. I worked on big projects. I did interesting exciting things. I traveled to big places and wore business suits with short skirts and sensible shoes. I took all my luggage as carry-on so that I didn't have to wait for baggage claim. I knew the fastest places to eat. I worked really hard and got the job of my dreams.

The funny thing about that is that my first thought was "Wow, I should have dreamed bigger."

Now my dream involves a sailboat, warm water, fresh fruit and maybe even a bit of rum. I don't care if the code has a memory leak. I don't care if the root drive failed and somebody forgot to mirror it. I really don't care that the backup failed.

There I said it. I don't think that working as whatever for whomever is important. I don't think that the number of digits in my salary is important. I don't think that this quarter's numbers really matter.

I think it is important that the children I brought into this world are safe, literate, happy and healthy. Beyond that, I want to snorkel and live my life at a slow pace with no time-saving technology.

It has been awhile posting here. I had forgotten I had this blog.